I stand in front of the bedroom mirror, my hands shaking so badly I can barely smooth down the fabric of my pale blue dress. After the last nights incident, I didn’t sleep a wink.
The feeling of Elijah’s thumb tracing my bottom lip delicately, the dark warning in his voice has left me confused. Is he tender or the dark devil. Lastly the most important, his destruction of my plan to escape this house at eighteen. I can’t keep living under the sharp scrutiny of his eyes and the blatant disregard by Martha.
I look at the clock, 7:45. Eight sharp, he had commanded. No more skipping meals.
I clutch the folder of brochures tightly against my chest like a shield and force myself to walk out the door.
When I enter the expansive dining room, the atmosphere is heavy enough to suffocate. Elijah is already seated at the head of the table. He looks absolutely stunning in his crisp charcoal suit, completely buried behind the newspaper yet again.
To his left, sits Martha as usual typing away on her phone, her breakfast completely untouched. Do they ever talk to each other? God, this whole set up is stifling.
“Sit down, Sophie. Don’t make us wait on you.” Martha snaps without even looking up from her screen.
I quickly slide into the chair to Elijah’s right as usual. Looks like I’ve become used to the routine. I place the folder on the edge of the table, keeping my eyes firmly on my lap.
From behind the newspaper, a deep gravelly voices fractures the silence of the room.
“Good morning, Sophie.”
My heart leaps into my throat. “G-good morning, sir,” I whisper, my fingers knotting together.
He lowers the newspaper slowly, folding it with the same terrifying gentleness I watched last time. He places it on his left and turns his sharp intense gaze onto me. His eyes track the dark circles under my eyes, lingering on my face until i feel unnerved and exposed.
Without a word, he reaches for the serving platters. He doesn’t ask what i want, just makes a balanced plate for me and places it in front me.
“Eat,” he commands quietly. “All of it.”
Martha lets out a mocking scoff, “Oh, please Elijah. Since when did you become a nanny? She’s eighteen, not a toddler. If she wants to starve herself to look skinny, let her.”
“I personally think, she could look good with some weight loss.” She eyes me especially my breasts. I’m taken aback by her tone and behaviour.
Suddenly the temperature in the room drops. Elijah doesn’t break eye contact with me , but his jaw clenches so hard a muscle twitches in his cheek.
“Martha,” Elijah growls out her name sending violent shivers down my spine. I would piss my pants if that was directed at me.
“I believe I made my expectations regarding your tongue very clear last night. Do not make me repeat myself at my own breakfast table.”
Her mouth snaps shut. She looks pale, her eyes darting nervously between Elijah and me. She looks scared and then pushes her chair back with a harsh scrape against the floor, and mutter, “I have an appointment,” before fleeing the room in a rush.
I feel bad on her behalf. Even though she disrespected me. I don’t want them fighting over me. When i look at him, he is already watching me.
“S-sir, please i don’t want to be a problem…. and i don’t want to be the cause of rift between you. I think you were too harsh to her.”
He sits back in his chair, watching me as if dissecting a problem. “You are supporting her, after she disrespected you on my table.” I gulp down my nervousness, “She is entitled to her views, just like you and me.”
“So you agree with her assumptions about you?” I squirm at his direct questions. “I don’t know”, I look down at myself “may be she is right I need to lose some weight.” I whisper.
He growls low in his throat, his hand lifting my chin up “You are perfect, the way you are. You don’t change or doubt yourself for someone else’s vapid behaviour.”
He pinches my chin in his fingers lightly to get my attention. “Do i make myself clear?” I nod my head my chin still arrested in between his fingers.
I lick my lips, he groans and lets go of me sitting back relaxed in his chair.
“Well, this proves my point, you are too innocent to live alone…you don’t know how to deal with this selfish and cruel world.”
“May be, you are too cynical, sir and think worse of everyone” I place my hand on mouth regretting my words immediately.
I get off my chair immediately ready to bolt, scared of his anger. “Sit. Down” he commands. I gingerly sit back down.
“I’m so sorry, that was extremely rude of me. Please can you forgive me.” My eyes fill with tears.
He lets out a deep sigh as if he is extremely annoyed. “Do not be scared to speak your mind with me, Sophie. You don’t have to be scared of retribution. I rather appreciate you talking about my flaws on my face rather my back.”
“I would never talk bad about you, behind your back.” I reply hastily.
“Only on my face then?” his lips tilt slightly as if finding me amusing. Oh god, he is having fun.
“Stop teasing the girl, poor thing she is turning red like a tomato.” interrupts Mrs.Rose and places a cup of coffee in front of me.
——————————————————-
While she hides her face, behind the cup of coffee to avoid my attention, I pull her plastic folder toward me and flip it open. My eyes scan her neat handwriting, listing top universities across the country, most of which are hours away from London. A dark knot of irritation tightens in my gut. She really was planning to run as far away from me as possible.
I slide the folder back across the table, my expression completely unreadable.
“None of these are acceptable, Sophie. You will be applying to programs within London. King’s college or UCL. I’ve already had my assistant pull their curriculum. You will join the business management program.”
I can see the sudden wave of desperation washing over her features before she finally finds a fragile spark of courage.
“Sir… please,” she whispers her amber eyes lifting to mine, swimming with anxious pleading tears. “I…I don’t want a corporate degree. I’m not interested in business management. I was hoping if you would let me pursue Literature with creative writing”.
“You want to be a writer?” i ask completely baffled by her request.
She nods her head meekly.
“Do you have any idea how much money your trust is actually worth, Sophie? The massive scale of investments your father has left behind for you? You think a degree in literature is going to teach you how to manage all of that?”
“Y- you said i’m your ward, that I’m your responsibility. Can’t you just take care of it all for me. And if not you…then may be my future husband can”….
Future husband.
My palm slams down onto the hardwood table with a thunderous crack, cutting off her instantly.
She flinches back, a sharp whimper leaving her lips, before a full sob breaks out of her mouth. But i can barely hear it over the roaring in my ears. The mere idea of her being taken care by another man, of her depending on someone else, being held by someone else, touched by someone else is driving me mad with anger. I’m ready to kill that imaginary being who doesn’t even exist yet.
She scrambles out of her chair, and before i can snap out of my rage to stop her, she flees the dining room. I hear her crying quietly as she runs full-speed back up the stairs.
Fuck.
I press my palms to my eyes, exhaling a jagged breath. She thinks I’m angry with her. This girl, has tied me up in absolute knots, i need to get a control on myself. She is far too sweet to handle a temper as dark as mine.
Mrs. Rose enters the room a moment later and clearing away the table quietly. I can see the heavy disapproval clear on her face.
Can i tell you something, Sir? she asks quietly.
“You need to be gentle with that girl, Elijah. she says, her motherly voice softening. She doesn’t have anyone else in her life. A little kindness from you will do her good. You of all people should know how terrifying it is to face this world completely alone, and don’t forget she is a just 18. She needs you to anchor her, guide her - not drag her down.”
Guilt hits my chest like physical bow. I nod my head in agreement.
“Can you please make sure she eats all her meals today”. I instruct, my voice rough and exhausted. “May be send her breakfast to the room”.
Leaving the mansion for office, my mind is entirely consumed by her. I need to take a step back and think from Sophie’s point of view. And as Mrs.Rose said I’m being too harsh on her, all because my own feelings are completely muddled.
I really terrified her today. That was never my intention, I never want to be the reason for hurt and distress.
Fucking hell, she is completely dependant on me now. If i want to protect her from the monsters outside, she needs to be able to trust me first. She needs to be able come to me without any shred of hesitation.
———————————————————————-
I shut the door and slide down against it, burying my face in my knees. I try to quiet my sobs, but they refuse to stop. I never thought i would miss my parents this much. They might have ignored me for most of my life but the brief moments of time they actually gave me, they were never rude to me or violently shut down my needs.
I don’t know which is worse, someone who is too involved in my life like Elijah, or my parents who barely gave me a second thought.
Why did Steve have to place me under Elijah’s care? Was there truly no one else who wanted me? I know i don’t have much of an extended family, but anyone seems better than him right now.
I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Is this how its going to be? Getting him to agree me with me is liking pulling teeth. He is too intimidating for me to cross him. And I’m too scared to stand my ground. I tried today and that has left me in tears.
I guess this is my reality now- where i’ll just have to blindly agree with all his demands. Because i don’t think i can face his dark temper a second time. I’ve never seen anyone like him in my life. He is too volatile and anything can trigger him off. In contrast, I don’t think i ever saw my parents losing their temper with me or even with each other.
What are I going to do? I feel so hopeless and shattered. It has always been my dream to study literature and become an author. Now that seems like a distant dream far from my reach. I can’t even tell Steve about it, after yesterday’s incident. I cannot afford to unleash any more of his anger onto myself.
As long as I am living under his roof, i can’t defy him. I wasn’t raised to be difficult. I can never disagree with anyone, the convent taught me to be gentle, i have always hated confrontations.
I never even possessed enough courage to ask my own parents why they didn’t have time for me? Why they didn’t love me enough? So defying a man like Elijah, or questioning his decisions is something i couldn’t even do it in my dreams. I have never been so completely trapped before. I guess i just have to submit.
There is a knock of my door, a gasp leave say mouth hoping and praying its not Elijah. "Sophie, my darling girl can you please open the door for me?”, comes the sweet voice of Mrs. Rose. I take a relieved breath and wipe my eyes and open the door.
Mrs. Rose looks at my red eyes and my face and open her arms wide “Come here, my sweet girl” i fall into her arms desperately wanting the comfort she provides so willingly. A sob pushing out of my mouth, tears falling down again.
“Hush now…I know…. quiet yourself now…you are such a brave girl. I can’t watch a sweet girl like you, crying herself to sickness”. She pulls back, and wipes down my tears.
“Im sorry, i didn’t mean to cry all over you like this, Mrs. Rose.” She huffs out a breath, “you can always express your feelings, whenever you want in front of me. I’m always here for you, child.”
“Thank you, Mrs.Rose you are very kind. And I’m sorry if I was the reason for disturbance in the morning and i didn’t even eat the breakfast you lovingly prepared. Can you please forgive me, i’ll never repeat it again?”
“Oh Miss. Sophie, you are such a treasure. Don’t be sorry for anything, you didn’t do anything wrong. And as for breakfast come down i’ll make you anything you wish to eat.”
My hunger seems to have vanished but i can’t deny Mrs. Rose and her hopeful eyes. I nod my head and follow her down. She hugs my waist all the way down talking to me in her gentle voice. She is a god send.
After the breakfast, she involves me in baking, constantly keeping me company….we bake too many things for a house of less than a handful people, out of which only me and Mrs. Rose who will eat this stuff. So, we decide to send most of it to homeless shelters nearby with the help of other staff.
By 7:00 PM I have already finished my dinner made up of a light sandwich with some fruits. Mrs. Rose sits down to eat along with me.
“Mrs. Rose if you don’t mind can you do something for me?” she nods her head, “anything my sweet girl.” she replies sweetly.
“Can you please tell Sir, that I agree with his decisions regarding my education. I didn’t mean to be difficult and I’m sure if he has decided this, it should be for my own good.”
She looks at me and pats my shoulder, “Are you sure, my sweet girl?” I nod my head in reply.
She doesn’t ask me why i wouldn’t tell him this myself, and I could kiss her for being so sympathetic and kind. After dinner I retire early, I know I’m hiding from him. But I can’t face him, just cannot.
Write a comment ...